Time, Energy, & Effort

Wow isn't it amazing how quickly time flies? I realized that it has been a while since I wrote a post. Life has been really full lately and I love it! For once, the idea of having many things on my plate at a time is not intimidating; its invigorating. No I have not gotten everything on to my plate that I want to, but I am getting there.  I actually believe that with time, and energy, and effort, I can achieve all that I want to. It has been a long time, or maybe never before, that I have felt really capable of achievement like I do now.

Now, I am working to keep myself in check in terms of not thinking that I got it and I do not need to keep working on practicing growth mindset. That is something will practice for as long as I live, and hopefully, through practice, by the time I die, I can say I am proud of what I have done with my life.

So how are things going in your world?

Big Hugs!!

Challenges

I was just doing some research online for a project I am thinking about taking on at work. Really, I have no idea what the process is to accomplish this so I Googled it and found information. But I began to read it and realized I had no idea what the hell it was talking about. Awkward! I mean, I understood the words I was reading yet how go about the process is escaping me.

I felt like running away from it so I decided to come here and blog. Yes, I did stop working on it to write this. Yet I know that this time, I am going to finish this and go right back to rereading the information I found until I can make sense of it. If I can figure it out, it will benefit my clients.

The situation I am in right now has come up before and way more often than not, I have decided to not take it on because I thought I might fail. I am tired of backing down. I can figure this out and when I do, I will have one more piece of evidence for myself that I am putting in time, energy, and effort into me.

How do you deal with trying new things or taking on new challenges?

Hugs!!

Hello Again!!

It has been awhile huh? In the past, my absence from writing a post was usually because things were not going well in my life. I was running from the responsibilities in my life and felt each thing was a burden. Recently, with the information I have been learning about mindset, I've been looking and dealing with the world with a new eye. I cannot say I am done with anything because for the first time I am not looking for done; I am looking for how much time, energy, and effort I put in.

At the end of the day, I have been looking at myself and I can say I see more time and energy and effort being put into the things I want. There is some peace in having evidence for myself that I can approach the world differently.  I now see I have the rest of my life to get better and to put time, energy, and effort into all of my goals.

Interesting?! What do you think about mindset? Do you struggle with this also?

(For more information about mindset, you can go to Carol Dweck's website.  http://mindsetonline.com/ )

HUGS!!

Home & Growing

I got home on Tuesday and have spend the last several days reconnecting with William. We had not spent more than a few hours together for almost 8 full days so I really missed him and wanted to just be together.

It has been so nice yet in coming back together after our little hiatus, there have been a few clear tells that of course I do not have a growth mindset at this point. This makes sense because I have just started making an effort to change my mindset from fixed to growth.

Interestingly, it is my fixed mindset frustrating me because I want to be able to do it now. But that is a classic fixed mindset way of thinking, and I must challenge myself to see when I am acting or thinking in the fixed mindset so I can do or think in a growth mindset instead. The fixed mindset had been my way for a long time so I am going to still be in it sometimes, but I have been and am going to continue looking where the fixed mindset is popping out to learn from those times and grow into growth mindset.

My Wanderings

Today is the last day of my alone vacation. I decided I wanted to go to Berkeley and wander around where William and I used to go to when we were in high school in the late 80's. I looked up online and saw that there were several stores still there that we used to go to. 

One of those stores is Anapurna, an eclectic little place that always smells like incense. It was still there and of course I perused the shop and talked to the guy working there about how long they have been on Telegraph Ave. He said they had been there in that spot since 1969; a lot longer than I have been going there. 

I also visited a used book store (bought a book, of course), a bunch of random places, and got hungry. There are 2 giant slice pizza places on Telegraph, Fat Slice, and Blondies. I got to Fat slice first so I ate there. So good and a huge slice of pizza that I could not finish. It is an odd experience to eat out by yourself. I have done it before this trip but this trip, I noticed how few people eat alone. Its odd. I read or used my iPad while eating out on this trip, but I also spent sometime talking to the workers at the restaurants. I enjoyed interacting with different kinds of people. 

I have always loved going to Telegraph Ave in Berkeley because of the street jewelers, artists, and vendors. There were over 10 different people's work to look at today, which is not a lot for there, but was still fun. While walking the street I bought a ring and a pair of earrings. Oddly, I found a store that was all products from Japan, like actual products with the product names in Japanese. It was like walking into a store in Japan and brought back memories of our visit to Japan. 

Overall I liked revisiting a place I spent time at when I was younger. Weirdly, it made me think about my fixed mindset and how I at one point would have never gone to Telegraph by myself. I was nervous today as well but as I walked around, I saw that me having a fixed mindset causes those sort of unsure feelings. Why not just enjoy the world and the people? And so I did! 

And it must be said again. Everything would have been so much more fun and enjoyable if William/Nadine had been there too. We talked last night and both agreed that we like doing things with each other much more than doing it alone. I am very happy I took this trip to take time to look at myself yet I missed my spouse very much. :) 

Hugs!!

Rethinking

I have been reading more about mindset lately. The book I am reading is Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck, Ph.D. You should all totally read this book!! Really, it is an amazing look at how people look at the world. 

The last 5 years William and I have discussed so much about my childhood and family life yet nothing has really changed in my behavior and thinking. Yet the information this book is talking about the fixed and growth mindsets is so reveling about my behavior. As I read this book, I see myself over and over in the examples of a fixed mindset. 

So here is where I am going to put my focus: changing my mindset from fixed to growth. I am going to finish reading this book, and as I am reading, I plan to answer the questions she offers up at the end of each chapter as an exploration of myself. 

As always, I will keep you updated.

BTW, I am still out and about in the world by myself. Today was more of a mellow day. I went out eat for lunch and had a lovely talk with my waitress Vanessa about life and reading. I hurt the back of my thigh while running this morning so I didn't so much. I read a lot of the book I was talking about. I dyed my hair. I also had a wonderful conversation with William. Near my hotel is a dive burger joint I got dinner from, which was great. I am going to go home on Tuesday but before that, I am going to Berkeley, a place William and I used to go to a lot in high school. I'll let you know how it goes. :) 

Hugs!!

Out and About Updated W/ Pics

Today I decided to go visit the first house I lived in when I moved to California at 9 months. I lived there for 5 years or so and I have so many happy memories from there. In that house, I feel I was really me. Most of that time I lived there, my parents seemed to like each other and we felt like a family. First of all, the town I grew up in has changed so much it was hard for me find, but I finally did. It was oddly cleansing. I know weird word but that is how it felt. It was like I was able to remember the fun I had as a child and the joy I felt waking up each morning to play and live fully.

My Old House

I also drove by William's old house and the town a little bit. I marveled at how much the town and trees and everything had grown and changed. I have seen these things before but not in the way I did today. It occurred to me that change and growth is natural and healthy and that I have done myself a disservice by not allowing myself to grow and change.

As I began to leave town, I quickly turned onto the road with our town's cemetery. I almost forgot about it. I really enjoy walking through old cemeteries, looking at the head stones. as I walked around taking pictures (like I always do) I began to understand why I like doing this. I am fascinated by basically looking at how we (humans) remember and mark the dead. I have kind of been weirded out by this interest of mine, wondering if I wanted to be dead or something. No, I do not. But I am interested in humanity and how we deal with the experience of being human, and that's kind of cool. :) Actually, I have thought about making a coffee table book about cemeteries and today, I got a great idea of how to do it. So that was a bonus to the experience.

After I went to the hotel, I had to force myself to go out again. I planned to go on a few errands and then visit a wine tasting room. I did my errands and then went to the area of the tasting room and was so close to chickening out. It was a really, really busy part of the town I am in and I was sure I could not find parking. But low and behold, I found a spot and forced myself to get out of the car and walk to the tasting room. There were tons of people there. It is clearly a very popular place. The tasting room was in a little shopping area with a restaurant, and several little shops around a courtyard with a band playing.

I walked into the tasting room, up to the counter and asked for a glass for one for tasting. And amazingly, I had a wonderful experience. The guy who started pouring for me was friendly but not talkative. But he walked away and an other woman took over and she was lovely. We talked for a while and connected. She gave suggestions about where to go after I finished tasting and overall was a joy to talk to.

It was so wonderful to have this experience because I am so suspicious of people and their intentions. I distrust people and expect they will  not be kind and open. Yet here was this woman so warm and friendly and welcoming to me, yeah me. it warmed me inside, kind of melting some of the coldness of my insides.

After, I went to dinner at a sushi restaurant which I have not eaten since William and I went to Japan. I was expecting it to be not so good, or at least not as good as Japan. Again, I was proved wrong. The meal was great and totally reminded me of Japan. It was so good!! I loved the food.

Now something else much be mentioned. After all the positive things I experienced that I mentioned above, there was still the same feeling all day that I had yesterday, a desire to share the experiences I was having with my spouse. I am glad to be out by myself so I can make decisions for myself and interact with people by myself to learn about people and the world and myself, but I miss William in so many ways. Good thing for me to see in such clarity.