Sunday, August 23, 2015

Fashion - To Do or Not to Do? Or . . . .

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I recently went to a dinner party with new people, and I considered before hand what I should wear that would make me feel pretty and comfortable enough for several hours. I chose to wear a sort of fifties style dress and purple flats. I have several dresses I could have chosen from yet the one I chose I felt the prettiest in and flattered my shape.

Over the years, I have stated that I am not that into fashion. Yet in the last few years, I have been trying to think more about the body I have at the moment and dressing that body. I have only gotten some items here and there that I think are flattering to my bigger size, mostly because I keep waiting to have the body I want to then maintain and buy cute clothes for.

So the truth is that I like fashion and enjoy looking good in my clothes. I just avoid it because I think I am too fat and do not want to waste money buying nice clothes until I lose weight.

Thus the question of to do fashion or to not do fashion is not the real issue;  the real issue is my unwillingness to lose the weight once and for all. Even though I lost many pounds 12 years ago or so and maintained it for a few years, I never truly committed to losing the weight  and keeping it off.

As I stated in another recent post, I have been going up and down in my weight for at least 8 years now and have not yet committed to treating myself well and losing the weight. Which is another layer down to the truth. So, basically,  I ignore and avoid it, even though I know it would help me feel better, feel healthier, feel sexier, which in turn would help my sex life, which could help my relationship, which would make life better all around.

Soooooo where does that come from? Anger and hurt about shit that happened when I was a kid that I learned to ignore and avoid. Learning to ignore and avoid the shit that was happening in my family taught me that I could ignore and avoid and still "do Life" so I started to ignore and avoid much more mundane things in daily life. That ignoring and avoiding has spread around, and I can do it well.

My end conclusion about whether or not to involve myself in fashion is that its not about fashion.  Its about me not ignoring and avoiding my shit, i.e. the things I want for myself that will lead to the life I want.

Hence, I gotta take care of my shit! :)

Take care of your shit and I surmise (since I don't really do it), life will be  better.

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Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Body Talk

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(No this is not me just a great visual.)

Hi all! Been gone for a bit. Hope all of you are well and in good spirits!!

I thought I'd give a short update on how my diet has been going. To recap quickly, I wanted to lose some weigh before I went on a family trip, mainly so I could fit in my clothes, but also for general over body health and self- image. I've been about 30 Lbs. over my goal weight for a while.

So before we left on our trip, I lost 8 pounds and was feeling happier with my body and definitely more comfortable in my clothes. :) I figured on the trip I might gain some weight but planned to not overindulge a lot. To that end, I did so-so. I gained 6 pounds while on vacation.

Since I've been back, I have lost 3 pounds.

This all sounds a little confusing. So to quote one of my favorite movies "Evolution" I am going "to take these snakes and lay them out all straight" for ya. :)

July 2- 178.6 lbs
July 13- 170.6 lbs
July 26- 176.1
August 4 173.3

This yo-yo-ing of my weight is not new. I have lost the same pounds over and over, i.e. going from 178 to 170, and back up to 178, and down to 170.  In the last year, I must have lost those same pounds 6 or 7 times.

I was able to lose the 8 pounds before we left by tracking my carbs and sharing my ups and downs on the scale with my husband. Talking about my carb intake and what the scale said each day really helped to keep me on track.  I am starting back with that today.

What I still need to be looking at are the reasons I have allowed myself to go through this crazy weight roller coast for so many years. That will be a post for the future but something I wanted to mention here because it is very relevant in my weight lose process.

Okay so that's where I am at right now, 173.3 lbs. My goal is 145 lbs. which in the healthy range for my height, 5'8".

How do you all deal with weight? Do you go up and down like me or maintain a healthy weight?

Thanks for stopping by!! Hugs!!