I went last Friday to make a donation to one of our local thrift stores. I dropped off all the things I had used in the last two years to help me while I was broken and after my recent surgery. The things in the picture are a shower seat, my crutches, and two canes.
The day before, I visited my surgeon who told me things were healing up well, which meant I could get the staples out and walk without assistance (which I was already doing because my leg felt good). When my husband and I got home from the doctor's, I promptly told him that him that I had been waiting for that day for almost two years; the day that I knew I could get rid of all the aids I had needed to get well, get clean, and get around. I told him we had go to the thrift store the next day and donate all of it.
Friday morning, we loaded everything up, and I was feeling thrilled! We drove down and talked a little about how long we have had these items and how great it was that we didn't need to have them any more. We had stored it all after I didn't need them when I was recovered from the break so that they would be available for me to use after the second surgery to take the hardware out. As we pulled up and dropped off the items, I had an interesting emotional reaction. I felt sad, like I was giving away a friend or something. Don't get me wrong; I was also very happy to be at the point in all this to not need them any more yet there was sadness.
We talked about those feelings and I came to the conclusion that it was what it was. I had spent a lot of time with those items, and they had really helped me for long periods of time to get along better than I could have without them. They were my crutches, both literally and figuratively. Without them, I would had a much harder time living life.
That event has made me reflect many times since on the emotional reality I go through on a daily basis and the importance of honoring those emotions. That does not mean acting on all the feelings I have but to, at least, acknowledge the feelings and then work through them in a logical manner. I often in life have tried to get rid of or completely ignore feelings I have had. It seems to me that doing that has caused an enormous amount of problems in my life because feelings will come out somewhere if they are no looked at and consciously dealt with in some way.
So I am trying to respect myself more and look at my feelings and work through them constructively.
How about you? How do you deal with feelings? I would love to hear what you think!!
Hugs!!
First off, it is great that you have decided to donate all the items to a thrift shop. As someone who buys from thrift shops, I can say it is great when I can find gently used items that save me money.
ReplyDeleteHow do I handle feelings. Hmmm probably not as well as I should. I agree with you when you say that feeling should not be ignored or pushed aside. Where the catch 22 in my life is, is that I tend to either try to ignore the feelings I am having or I overanalyze them. I guess thinking about it, a lot of feeling I do handle well, but it is the ones that are overanalyzed or ignored that I remember. Probably because this is what causes the problems in my life.
Logical manner. I love that. And I think that is the key. Feelings are very emotional, but I think I have to try to stay logical when dealing with feelings. I think it is okay to feel nostalgic or acknowledge when things have helped me through a difficult time. Yet logically it is time to let them go. (And yes that is easy to type Mike, but I know it does not often work that way) Thinking about it, this is probably not only with concrete items, but is probably also about emotional, or psychological things that have help me through a difficult time. There comes a time to let them go.
Getting back to how I handle things, I often write them down. Sometimes they are so personal that i would not want anyone to see them. So they are just for me. I keep them until one day I find them and having moved on, often can delete them. Other feelings I deal with by talking with friends. Just having someone to talk to can clear things up for me. And being religious, praying is something that does help me a lot. For me it is much better than just pondering in my head.
Well that is the 4 edit and this is still pretty rambily. But I think that is the best I can do to explain my thoughts on feelings. I really like your line about how you are thing to respect yourself and your feelings, and work through them constructively. Constructively looking at things is something we all need to do. Beating yourself up over feelings or the past can’t help.
Wow! Thank you so much for the very thoughtful response. I have been taking an online course about emotional intelligence and one of the interesting aspects of what I am learning is about the brain.
ReplyDeleteThe brain is basically three main parts: the old brain, the middle brain, and the new brain. The old brain is in charge of fight, flight,or freeze, the middle brain is in charge of emotions, and the new brain is in charge of logic and language. (Basically, of course.) But what this shows is that we must use our new brains, logic and language, to negotiate through our feelings because the area of the brain that has feelings cannot form language and has no logic.
So amazing that we can deal with emotions at all, huh?
Thank you again for always leaving such great comments that always make me think. :)
Hi Jules, I had a similar experience following my motor bike accident: I was in hospital for a couple of weeks, and had to go back regularly over about six months, once for an operation, to get one of my pins removed, and other times for dressing changes, checkups and rehab sessions. Having appointments at the outpatients department meant that they would see you anytime within about two hours of the appointment time, so I spent lots of time there.
ReplyDeleteSo you would think that I would have been unequivocally glad to see the end of all of that! But NO, I was also surprised that my reaction was a little like yours: a bit glad AND a bit sad.
At the time, I think I came to the conclusion that I had become a little institutionalised, that I was 'broken' and I had to submit to the process in order to be well again, and that there was something comforting about turning up to this place where it was their job to look after me. So I think that was what I was sad about: having to let go of being looked after. Perhaps not so surprising really, its a comforting thing to be looked after. And perhaps I was blessed with good staff to do that too.
And yes I agree with you, that these feelings do need to be honoured, and made conscious, that is the only way to move forward. Its a life's work!
All the best, D
Daria, Thank you so much for sharing your experience I understand what you mean by it being hard not being taken care of any more. I think for me it is also hard to allow myself to get back to normal because I am scared that I won't be able to get get back to normal. Being very hurt is an odd experience and I have been and still am learning from it all.
ReplyDeleteHugs!