I know that sounds like a personal insult but its not. What I mean by the title of this post is that I need to question what I think I know. I have been living with the influence of depression for many years thus it seems pretty likely that some of what I think about life is not based in reality.
I have had a hard time pushing my self to do the things I want to that are good for me, and allow me to feel good about myself. Many times, I see doing those things as a burden. Doing good things for myself like doing yoga is a burden? Weird, huh? Also, many times I start doing good things like yoga and then stop. Both of these ways of thinking are depressive in nature and not healthy for me. So I have been trying to keep up with the things I want to do to take care of myself. I am not doing a lot of these things because I am still focusing on identifying whenever my depressive thoughts occur. But I am seeing that my focus can be on one thing, like looking at myself and the occurrences of depressive thinking, and also further myself along in my goals.
How do you handle taking care of yourself? Do you avoid taking care of yourself and busy yourself with other things?
On another note, yet related, I am saddened and angered at the suicide of Robin Williams. He suffered from depression and apparently had recently learned he had Parkinson's disease, and although all of that is quite a burden, I think he should have found a way to see the reasons he had to live. Depression is heavy and hard to deal with YET it is not a reason to take your life. I do not believe suicide is a sin; that is not where this thought is coming from. I actually believe if someone's quality of life has gotten really bad, that they should be able to end their life. But that does not seem to be the case for Mr. Williams. My heart goes out to his family. They are now the ones left with the burden of his absence.
Take care of yourself!! :)
Jules -
ReplyDeleteWe do not know how unbearable RW's depression was. It's easy for people who do not suffer from the disease to say he should have reached out to others. But what about us? Did we spend enough money to develop antidepressants that do not make users feel like zombies? Did we have in place enough preventative treatment facilities for everyone suffering from severe depression? Do we have the right to say what RW should have done, when we didn't do enough ourselves?
Please note, that I would have preferred RW to seek out treatment. But when a depressed person gets into that state, the last thing he/she wants to do is ask for help - he/she would likely lose freedom, be medicated into a zombie - is that life worth living? Some of us would say 'Yes' - RW had a duty to live for the sake of others. I will not say this. Instead, we had a duty to provide people like RW with the tools to avoid that fall into the pit of depression....
With all that being said, I feel very sorry for his widow and family. They will suffer most from his absence. We will have his memory live on in reruns of TV shows and in old movies. They will have to pick up the pieces and find a way to live without him. And for us, we should not only be looking at suicide intervention/prevention, but towards effective medical and mental intervention way beforehand for people susceptible to severe depression....
M
Thank you so much for your very well thought out comment. I think that people talking about depression is so important in undoing the stigma that is attached to it. Your comment made me think, and I hope it makes other think, as well.
DeleteJust writing in rsponse to your blog in general; I recently found Nadine's blog and that lead me to yours. I posted a comment on hers, too. I read through both blogs over the last few days and enjoyed following both of you and your progress/journey. You both seem like cool people and it's no surprise that you also seem to have some cool and loving friends. I was glad to read that your leg has been improving. I hope you are able to run and jump again soon! ha ha
ReplyDeleteTake care
D
Thank you for taking the time to post a comment! I really appreciate that people read my blog!
DeleteAlso, thanks for the compliment! Just trying to learn to be me as genuinely as I can.
Hugs!
Trying to be oneself as genuinely as possible is a very good ideal to strive towards. To me it means being open and honest with myself, and with people close to me, and hopefully leads to greater self-acceptance and greater acceptance by those people close to me. I like to think I am getting better at it over time myself. :) (easy to say that though, isn't it?)
DeleteD (I should set something up so I'm not posting comments as anonymous)
I think we often stop doing what is good for us because the results from the good things do not happen over night. Where as the bad things' seem to' make us feel better or at least allow us to hide from ourselves. Your yoga example; I can do yoga all day or even each night for a week and I will not look like Jennifer Aniston. So I give up. And hid in a bottle of wine instead. Then in my mind I can look like Jennifer.
ReplyDeleteYour right we do need to look at ourselves and as the blog above this blog says, look at what our faults are too. But I try to look at my faults in a healthy way as much as I can. This does not always work. Others have problems too that I would not notice. If I met you on the street, chances are both of us would feel the other has their life together. I would tend to look at you as faultless and there for above me. So when looking at our faults, we have to try to remember we are not going to reach perfection. I am not saying try to hide your faults. I try to look at what changes can I handle right now and then just do small things to work towards a self I can like.
And remember others always like to judge Harshly. If they say something bad it may not be true. Yet ironically the few times I get compliments, they usually are true. One thing I have learned since coming out of my depression, is that you can't let others negative views cloud your perception of yourself. Listen to what they say but you know your self better.
Very thoughtful comment. It seems like you have spent some time thinking about yourself and reflecting on your own patterns and what works for you. You have some very good advice as well, like looking at what you want to change and then taking small steps to do so.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts about life!! I enjoy reading and contemplating what others think about.
Hugs!
Your Welcome! But the reality is that I must thank you. You have put in a lot more effort than me by having this blog. I come here to read your thoughts. you share very intimate parts of yourself and that is wonderful and gives me lots to think about. Though I know only a small part of you, I find you interesting and likeable, I can (and do) use a lot of what you post to help me. So an even bigger thanks back.
DeleteWell thak you very much! :) I am touched. Also, I am glad to hear that I make you think. Hopefully, I make others think as well.
DeleteHugs!