Seeing The Tendrils of Depression

I have seen over the past few years that depression has a sneaky way of being all over the place and hard to detect just exactly where it will show up next. Its like depression is an octopus with a million legs that just worm their way out of or into so many unexpected parts of my life.  It really has been one of the biggest challenges of rising above the cloud of depression because I never know when the next moment of depression will arise.

This morning William and I were having breakfast, and I was talking about going out to lunch today with a friend of mine. She asked me to meet her at her house and so I assumed that she wanted us to drive to lunch together. All I have been thinking about since she said suggested and I agreed to meeting her at her house is how I can logically get out of driving together to lunch. Weird, huh? I mean I want to hang out with her and has some time to chat, but I just didn't want to drive together. Of course, I came up with the fact that I need to do errands after lunch. As I am talking with William this morning, I realized, "Oh there is depression again."  I have learned through years of being depressed that driving in a car with someone requires talking and allows for no escapes if something gets uncomfortable. Depression in my life has made this kind of thinking okay. This is not who I really am inside; I like talking with people, and it is only my depression that creeps in and makes me think I can't or don't want to be in this situation.

I am not my depression but man, it can be hard sometimes to see the difference, especially because I have lived with depression for so long. With it being in my life since I was 8 or so, I often get confused and feel that the depression is who I am, not a reaction to the life I lived as a child. So this morning's talk with William again helped me to see me, and really, I like me when I let her out to play and don't let the depression be me.

I am going to ride to lunch with my friend and not worry about what will happen. She is a fun person to hang out with and so am I, so it sounds like a recipe for fun to me!!

Thank you so much for stopping by and reading about me. :) I hope you are well and in good spirits! Remember to take care of you because no one can do it as well as you can!!!!!!!!!!

Hugs!!