I am on a road trip with my spouse right now, and we are visiting both of my parents. My mom lives near San Francisco, and my dad and his wife live in southern Oregon which means that to visit them both in one trip meant a week long road trip for us.
We visited my mom first and spent about 2 days with her. We had a very nice time visiting and sharing our lives with each other. Yet, it was so odd; I saw so many things she was doing that I am working on changing in me, i.e. making little things into catastrophes, saying that something in the future will for sure turn out bad, that people are out to screw her over, etc. She has been like this for years, yet it really stood out to me this time.
Then we came to visit my dad yesterday. We spent the last 2 days with him and his wife. Once again, I saw things he was saying striking me oddly. He said things that I have said that I think are my beliefs about myself like he noted that he always liked my hair short.
So what struck me so odd about what my parents said or how they acted was how many of those things I have associated with who I am. I have been telling myself that these traits are me and should be accepted as me, but it was creepy to hear my parents say these things, knowing what I have said and done in the past.
This is eye-opening for me. I would like to not be a collection of who my parents are; I want to be my own person. It is important for me to be aware that these ways of thinking and acting are not me but the behaviors and thoughts I learned from my parents. Yes, I have continued doing these things and believing these things, and it is now my responsibility to change them if I truly do not believe those things are true or right for me.
On another note, after hanging out with both of my parents, I realized I actually like both of them. For most of my adult life, I have said I don't really like my parents and that I did not want to spend time them, but this time, I felt differently. When I left each of them, I felt sad and felt like I want to see them again instead of just relieved to be done visiting them. Hhhmm fascinating how life changes. :)
Alrighty then people, hope you are taking care of you!
Hugs!!
Good for you wifey!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you, love! I so very much appreciate your support!
DeleteIt is wonderful how our perspective changes, and if we are very lucky, we become friends with our parents, and our children become our friends.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, it sounds as though we are both pleasers, you and I, and it can be hard to turn away from that sort of mindset. This may or may not appeal to you, but I've been rereading a wonderful book by Richard Bach, and in it he wrote:
"If you will practice being fictional for a while, you will understand that fictional characters are sometimes more real than people with bodies and heartbeats."
Thanks to reading your post here, it has dawned on me that the creation and cultivation of an inner fictional character who cares for and loves me has made a huge difference. Somehow it seems less selfish to pay attention to that inner voice who says I should now steer a different path that makes me into a better person, but not an ideal that someone else created, like a parent for instance, but that I create.
That was a very long sentence... hope it makes sense! :)
You take care of you too Jules. And thanks for this great post.
Hugs, Halle
Wow Halle that was a great comment!! Your thoughts on my thoughts made me think again. :) (Funny sentence.) I love Richard Bach and have read most of his books. This idea of an inner fictional character that actually cares for me and has my best interest at heart is wonderful! I have a hard time being good to myself, and I think this idea could aid me in learning to really care for myself. Again thank you so much for the idea seeding comment!!
DeleteHugs!!
And thank you! It turned out that I had been sitting on a draft of a post. Your post here helped me to finish it off. B
DeleteA seeding comment. My pleasure.:-)