What keeps me from seeing my own faults and admitting when I am wrong on my own or even when others are loving enough to point it out?
Such a small word that carries big influence. I did not see this in myself; luckily, I have a husband who loves me enough to talk about what he has seen over the past 28 years that will help me. I do have a big ego. Overall, I act in ways that show I think there is nothing wrong with me. I will start something that has the potential to help me and then stop because I think I've got it and don't need to do that any more, like scheduling. I get wrapped up in myself and go with the same kind of thinking that got me into the place I am now and have been for a long time. Which is, I am fine and don't need to change anything; I just need to try harder because what I am doing must be fine because I am doing it. (See the ego!?)😳
Well, trying harder has gotten to a place of frustration and failure. I have a body I'm not happy with, a marriage that is not going well, and a career that I know I could be doing better at.
I have gone back to scheduling my life as it did help when I did it for 6 weeks before I gave up. My biggest issue in life is starting things and not following through with it to a point that I benefit from it. But this time I have added a few elements. I've been scheduling for the past week and today I added two things to my folder. In the front, with my monthly calender, I added a check list of all the things I want to achieve on a consistant basis, things like household chores to things like suggesting new sex ideas. Here I plan to and have started recording each week which things I have addressed and when. I also added at the back of my folder a list of the big important aspects to life, like marriage health and body health, why I want each of those things and what things I might say to myself to sabotage myself. Things like: it's not that important, I'm too tired, I don't really care, I'll want comfort food, ect.
I said to my husband this morning that I just want to get on with my life and I wholey believe this is true. But if I can't get my shit together, I will never get in with my life.
I'll keep you updated I this. ☺️
In another note, I have been going to the cross fit gym for the past 2 1/2 weeks and although it is an ass kicker, I am enjoying it and will continue to go until two days before my surgery. Surgery is in 12 days (and counting.)
Hope you are all well and thank you for stopping by! Hugs!!!