What keeps me from seeing my own faults and admitting when I am wrong on my own or even when others are loving enough to point it out?
Ego.
Such a small word that carries big influence. I did not see this in myself; luckily, I have a husband who loves me enough to talk about what he has seen over the past 28 years that will help me. I do have a big ego. Overall, I act in ways that show I think there is nothing wrong with me. I will start something that has the potential to help me and then stop because I think I've got it and don't need to do that any more, like scheduling. I get wrapped up in myself and go with the same kind of thinking that got me into the place I am now and have been for a long time. Which is, I am fine and don't need to change anything; I just need to try harder because what I am doing must be fine because I am doing it. (See the ego!?)😳
Well, trying harder has gotten to a place of frustration and failure. I have a body I'm not happy with, a marriage that is not going well, and a career that I know I could be doing better at.
I have gone back to scheduling my life as it did help when I did it for 6 weeks before I gave up. My biggest issue in life is starting things and not following through with it to a point that I benefit from it. But this time I have added a few elements. I've been scheduling for the past week and today I added two things to my folder. In the front, with my monthly calender, I added a check list of all the things I want to achieve on a consistant basis, things like household chores to things like suggesting new sex ideas. Here I plan to and have started recording each week which things I have addressed and when. I also added at the back of my folder a list of the big important aspects to life, like marriage health and body health, why I want each of those things and what things I might say to myself to sabotage myself. Things like: it's not that important, I'm too tired, I don't really care, I'll want comfort food, ect.
I said to my husband this morning that I just want to get on with my life and I wholey believe this is true. But if I can't get my shit together, I will never get in with my life.
I'll keep you updated I this. ☺️
In another note, I have been going to the cross fit gym for the past 2 1/2 weeks and although it is an ass kicker, I am enjoying it and will continue to go until two days before my surgery. Surgery is in 12 days (and counting.)
Hope you are all well and thank you for stopping by! Hugs!!!
First and foremost, best to you on your surgery. I do hope all goes well and you recover quickly. All the exercise should help with your recovery time. Your body will be use to working and will be should heal quick
ReplyDeleteIn reality I don’t think anyone likes to be wrong. I find as I get older it is easier to admit I am wrong, possibly because I am wrong more often. :) When I was younger I would spend a lot of time trying to prove I was right about something, while thinking to myself (I really don’t know much about this) For the life of me I have no idea why I was doing this????
All marriages, and lives have their ups and downs. It sounds like you are in a down right now. I wish I could tell you some magical way to get out of it but I really have no idea. Just want to say hang in there, with the surgery, your active plan to help yourself and your working out, I think a lot of things will change for the better soon. I have been told more than once we cannot change others, nor should we expect others to change because we want them too. We can only change ourselves. i read your blog and see that you do try to change yourself and continually look for ways to better yourself. This is great because I am sure you will move forward because of your attitude.
Again, best to you for your surgery. You will be in my thoughts that day (2 days)
Always such thoughtful comments from you, Mike. Yes, life does have ups and downs and that is to be expected. I need to and do work on being consistant in my approaches to life because I have found that being inconsistent leads to disappointment and frustration.
DeleteThank you so much for the good wishes on the surgery. It went well and I am resting to bring about quick healing. I'll do a post about this soon.
Take care and hugs!
Hope all went well
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