I have spent most of the last two days by myself, and I think at one time, I would have said that I wanted time by myself. But its not really what it seems like it would be. All this makes me think about is all the other things I thought I wanted or liked. What is my real motivation behind those wants or likes?
So much of my life has been spent not looking at myself, at my choices, really at my life. I have skated on notions that I set into motion when I was 7 or 8 and have just KNOWN that I was right in my beliefs. Even with all the signs in my life over the years, I have been unwilling to budge on those beliefs. Something inside said I had to hold onto those beliefs because they were what I used to get through the cold of my childhood family.
William has been talking to me about this for so long, about questioning myself and trying to grow. I have so many times said to him I understand and I wanted to be this kind of person and I was going to do something about it. Yet never did.
I have come to a palpable low point in my life. In the past, I have wallowed around in the low and taken a few steps up, just enough to move out of severe depression.
I cannot any more. Today I take the opportunity.
the photo reminds me if robert frost's poem "the road not taken" i think my whole life is somewhat based upon that poem. as it seems i have "taken the road less traveled and that has made all the difference."
ReplyDeleteYes this picture reminded of that poem also. Robert Frost was the first poet that woke my love for literature and poetry.
DeleteI so wish I had decided to "take the road less travelled". I think my life would be better now.
Thank you for taking the time to comment. :)
So many familiar shades here, emotionally charged for those who have had to become adult way too young.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts are with you Jules.
Halle
Thank you so much Halle. I so appreciate your support. I don't know exactly where my life will go from here but I do know I have work to do for the rest of my life.
Deletei'm sorry you have hit such a low point! you are worth more than you know miss jules! always remember that!
ReplyDeleteWow thank you so much for the kind compliment! I needed it!!! :)
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