I woke up today after sleeping too long and missing Nadine leaving for her appointment to pick up her new wig and go to her first hair cut appointment. My alarm did go off but somehow I managed to turn down the volume in the night because I know I checked it before I went to sleep. This after spending the day fighting with William all day. Needless to say, I woke up with a rude awakening that my life is a mess. I thought, as I have so many times before, that things were going well with where I was then life let me know that I have once again been lying to myself. I have a history of lying to myself and being pretty convincing.
Overall I thought I had a grip on what is going on with me and then I see, no way am I seeing what I do. I am unwilling to commit to anything that will help me like journal writing or following a self-help program. I am only willing commit to anything that will hurt me like smoking, or watching a lot of TV. I constantly give up on the very things that could help me move forward and stop causing problems in my life.
Bad things are here and are only going to get worse if I choose to look the other way yet again. I cannot keep living like what I do doesn't matter and doesn't effect me and others. I do want to be happy and peaceful and honestly, I am the ONLY one who is stopping me.
I am going to help myself if it is not too late. I will keep you updated. :)
I wish you big hugs and peace.
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