I am so sick of being afraid. It has consumed so much of my time, and it is starting to piss me off. I am about to go on my first road trip by myself, and it has been wigging me out all day. Now, as I went to write this, I realize that I am just not okay with feeling this way. What is so scary about going out into the world and checking it out? Nothing really. So what the hell is up?
Looking inside, I see that I am not sure of what to do, where to go, or of making decisions on my own. I have spent the last 27 years hanging back and letting William plan our trips. I always said it was because I didn't really care where we went, that I just liked going. But really it had and has to do with the fixed mindset of thinking that no choice is better than a bad choice.
Its been interesting to read about the fixed and growth mindset. I am seeing myself over and over in the discussions about people with a fixed mindset. And that fixed mindset is what is affecting me today.
But I will not accept going with fear. I am going to go out there, do stuff, talk to people, basically put myself out there. And I am going to do all by myself. I need to see the world alone. I want to interact with world alone so I can decide what I want from life. Why might I say this? For so long, I have said that I want to be married yet I have done actions that show the contrary. I have never really been alone out in the world.
Soooo I guess I will see how it goes! I am excited and ready. :)
HUGS!!
It is so fascinating that many of the fears within you are the same sorts of fears that I read about transgender people talking about. Apparently, regardless of ones gender tendencies, we all share some common fears.
ReplyDeleteI know there are good reasons to be careful, but I think our culture over emphasizes how afraid we should be. I really wish I could get some good statistics about how often bad things actually happen to people. I wonder what is ones probability of encountering a negative person say compared to getting struck by lightening. I don't think any of us walk around being afraid of getting hit by lightening but so many of us are fearful of our fellow humans. I wonder if it is like coconuts and sharks. Ya know, how more people are killed annually by coconuts than sharks. Interesting, I'm going to go google it.
Enjoy your time out!
I think the human experience is more the same for all of us than I often think it is. Because really we are not really "unique and special snowflakes" (hee-hee); we are all human so we have to share common feelings, fears, and experiences.
DeleteThank you for your thoughts. I love you for all you are!!