Loving Me & Reality

Reality- it kind of sneaks up and bites me on the ass sometimes. Ever feel that way? I do, and over and over, I am surprised. Really,  Jules? Surprised again? I often get into a state of disassociation and just block out the reality of life and the twists and turns that are inevitably coming my way.  

Life never hands me the package I expect in the mail. Yet the packages keep coming. So I have to make the choice with each package. How am I going to receive this?  We are all given a choice on how we decide to react in any given situation. When my cat died last week, I could have allowed myself to wallow in the sorrow of losing him. I loved that cat, and my heart was broken. But I had a choice. Do I mourn and saturate myself in sadness or do I celebrate an amazing creature and the joy I felt for having been able to share his short, vivid life? I chose the latter. Before, I decided to only be sad. But this time I decided not to.  Leo was a wonderful, joyful being and his life was beautiful to watch and be a part of.  Looking at his death like this has helped me to want to live life.  It is uplifting and has inspired to me to do more.

I realize that I am not comfortable putting myself out there in any way, yet it is what is best for me.  If I truly want to learn to love myself, I have to do what  I know is right for me, best for me, regardless of the package life delivers me.  It is and will be hard sometimes because life has a tendency to deliver many packages at once.  But I want to love myself and that requires that I am responsible for myself all the time- all the time, not just when it is convenient.