Saturday, May 25, 2013

Reflections on "Really? Again?"

The last blog that I posted left an impression out in the world that I do not like. There was an implication in it that I was forced to do the 30 day posting challenge by my husband, to make him happy, or prove something to him.

That is so far from the truth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The truth is I have really been struggling in my life for many years, and I have been saying that want to change for a long time now. Yet I often articulate to my husband that I can’t seem to figure out how to make my life better. Being as wonderful and supportive as he is, he is constantly giving me ideas of what I could do to help myself. That is how the 30 day challenge came about. I was begging for help, and he was gracious enough to again try to help me. He suggested that I work on various aspects of my life and keep a blog as record for what I have tried, what worked, what didn't work, what I reflected on, and then modified. This sounded like a wonderful idea, and I full heartedly decided, on my own accord, to embark on this journey.

The post came out the way it did because I  have not  clearly seen how I maneuver in the world, with subtle intentions of getting people to feel sorry for me because I was so hurt as a child and feel I deserve peoples sympathy; basically, I am a sympathy farmer. Not being willing to see this has allowed me to act in ways that constantly and under the radar garner people’s sympathy for me. 

SO let’s be clear. I am never forced to do anything in my life! Thankfully, I have been blessed with a man who is a warrior on my behalf. He so much wants goodness and peace for me and has always stood by me, encouraging me to love me and life, even when I have tried to shove him away with all my might.

I do not know anyone who has what I have had: a person who looks out for my best interest even when (and often especially) I did not care about it myself. 

Thank you William!!!! I am not sure I would be alive right now if you hadn't given me so much support and help.  :) 

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