Pushing

Pushing one ’s self- a concept I do not practice very often yet know I need to.  Since I do not practice it very often, I do not really understand the amazing feeling that comes from pushing myself.  But I got a little taste of that this last Saturday.

My husband and I took off last Friday for a much needed mental health day. We got a massage and went home to pack up our stuff to go fishing on Saturday.  On our way home from the massage, we noticed our neighbors were getting ready for the yard sale several neighbors were doing on Saturday.  I had been informed of this and had decided we didn’t have enough stuff for a garage sale. 

Yet I found myself thinking on Friday that maybe I was wrong and that we should have decided to be a part of the garage sale. I was apprehensive to suggest to my husband that we should do the garage sale because we would have had to push fishing off until Sunday and work our butts off to get everything ready for the sale.  There was no good reason for me to feel apprehensive yet I did.

But I decided to just say it. Then at least I said what I thought and did not allow my own insecurities to get in the way, which I so often do. Looking back, I have seen that many problems that have come up in my life have been a result of my own displaced feelings onto someone or something else that were really about me not be good to myself and expressing what I wanted.

So I suggested that we do the garage sale and after a bit, we decided to do. We found quite a few things to sell after cleaning every area of the house we could.  It was took some time and effort, and we made almost $200.

The end result for me internally:  I felt great that I suggested something that took time and effort and that turned out to be beneficial to the both of us.  That night we had sex and my mind was so clear and present it was awesome. I was able to really relax and be myself without the usual preoccupations that invade my mind.  It occurred to me afterward that I was able to let go because I felt great about myself and about the fact that I was the one to push myself and us to do something that helped us, a job usually done by my husband.